Last night I got about three hours of sleep. My sweet nine-month-old boy finally started sleeping well about a month ago. His sister slept through the night by three months, but at this point we’re thrilled when the boy sleeps until 5am.
For the past few nights, though, he’s been waking up screaming at around 10pm. Last night it continued for several hours. I finally fell asleep at three in the morning. Two hours later I woke up to baby’s insistent cries for mama.
I dragged myself out of bed with sandpaper eyeballs that seemed to have been propped open like A Clockwork Orange.
As soon as I stood up, an angry groaning thought whacked my weary mind: “GOD I am so exhausted, and now I have to feed this baby.”
As I walked to the baby’s room, a new thought appeared: “I am so exhausted, and yet I get to feed this baby. Every morning I get to feed this sweet, adorable little chunker whose mama I am so lucky to be.”
Nothing actually changed out there in the world.
My circumstances were still the same – it was 5am, I was sleep deprived, and facing another long day of trying to be an awake and present parent to a four-year-old and nine-month-old while keeping the house halfway hospitable, making sure everyone eats something resembling food, and trying to grow my business.
Something major changed inside of me, though.
With a simple new thought, my experience transformed. Instead of feeling angry and resentful, I was full of gratitude and love for this little boy who I get to feed every morning at 5am.