Category: Wisdom

No More Than a Feeling

Posted on by Anna

There is a game-changing, simple first principle of relationships. It’s the only thing we actually want, the only fundamental thing with which to concern ourselves: the feeling.

All we’re ever really looking for in our relationships is a good feeling.

If we want to improve a relationship, we need only improve the way it feels.

What matters to you in your relationships? What are the must-haves, the nice-to-haves, the deal breakers? Maybe you observe rules for relationships from a belief system like a religion. All of these things, ultimately, are meant to create and engender good feelings. Between the people in the relationship, between the people and their society, between the people and their deity.

Rules, expectations, desires, and needs are an endless cobweb of divergent confusion. What feels good for one person might be wildly different than what feels good for another person. What feels good for one person this morning might be wildly different from what feels good tomorrow.

It’s not about what feels good, it’s about the feeling itself.

If we want to improve or enhance a relationship, we need only improve the way it feels.

The Big Dreams

Posted on by Anna

This past week has surfaced a theme of dreams.

I tried a simple exercise: If you had enough money to do anything, what would you do? This year, in the next few months, this month, today?

I’d love to travel with my family – Japan, Iceland, Sweden, Denmark, New Zealand, France. We’d also find and buy a sailboat, maybe first do a bareboat charter in the Bahamas to get comfortable sailing with the kids. I’d get three massages per week. I’d hire someone to help me purge and sell most of our belongings. Then maybe more travel, or finally move to Europe.

But then what?

My husband knows his dream: buy a boat, ail around the world with his family, teach boat building to disadvantaged youth. All of which seem like great dreams to me.

But what’s my big dream? There are things I’ve wanted throughout my life – to be a doctor, to travel, to move to Europe, to be a well-adjusted human – but I wouldn’t quite call them Big Dreams.

Mel Robbins says your Big Dream is the thing you’re almost embarrassed to say out loud. The “promise you won’t laugh?” dream. People who don’t know their dream still have one, she says, but they’ve lost the connection to their heart that lets them listen to what they really want.

As a child, the notion of what I wanted wasn’t on the table. “What I want” was not part of the family culture. I know the voice is in me somewhere, and now I’m going to give it some room on my own table to be heard. I’m looking forward to finally hearing the big dream. I promise I won’t laugh.

You Are Not Your Thoughts

Posted on by Anna

You were born creative, resourceful, and whole.

You are innate health and wisdom.

You think thoughts, but you are not your thoughts.

You are the one who has thoughts.

You are not your thoughts.

You are already and always creative, resourceful, and whole.

You are innate health and wisdom.

Knowing

Posted on by Anna

How do you know that you know? Not just know in your head, cognitively or intellectually, but really know something deep in your gut or your bones or wherever you might feel it?

Think of something you really love. Maybe it’s an activity, a food, an art form, a person. Close your eyes and imagine you’re engaged with whatever it is. Really be in the moment of doing or watching or eating or being with, imagine all the little details. Feel what it’s like to really love that thing.

How do you know that you love it? What does if feel like? Where do you feel it? What kinds of thoughts do you have, if any at all?

Now, think of a decision that you’ve had a hard time making. Going back and forth, pros and cons, researching and analyzing and discussing and analyzing some more. Maybe you’re completely stumped on the course of action, maybe you’re leaning towards one thing or the other but still aren’t quite sure.

You can know something, or you can have lots of thoughts about the thing.

What if you lived each day more from your own innate sense of knowing? Even just one day? Or just the next moment?

Creating or Consuming

Posted on by Anna

How much time do you spend each day creating? How much time do you spend consuming?

It’s an either-or situation: you’re either creating something new or consuming something already created.

Consuming can be obvious things like eating, shopping, buying services. It’s also Facebook, Twitter, Googling, watching video, listening to podcasts, research, reading.

It has become almost impossible for me to create without consuming. Consumption has become an unconscious compulsion. Inherently, consumption is neutral. But when it comes paired with compulsion, an imbalance arises and something important is obscured.

Which one brings more value?
Which one feels better?
Which one do you avoid?
Do you realize how inherently creative you already are, or has your infinite creative potential been obscured by consumption, too?
What would be revealed if consumption stopped for a while, after the discomfort eased?

Inspired by Mary Schiller.