Category: Feelings

The Most Effective Lifehack

Posted on by Anna

There’s one thing you could start doing today that will transform your life. It’s so simple, yet many of us rarely do it.

Every day, do something that brings you joy.

Every day, do something fun, relaxing, peaceful, exciting, intense, loving, interesting, kind – whatever works for you. The only requirement is that you really enjoy it.

To begin, you might start a never-ending list of Things I Love to Do. Add some easy 5-minute things and some huge things too. Then, do one of the things every single day.

Amazing things will happen.
Your mood will lift and open.
You’ll feel more joy.
You’ll spread more joy.
You’ll feel more satisfied.
You’ll be more plugged into your inner wisdom.
You’ll solve problems with greater creativity and ease.
Life will feel easier.
You’ll feel more fulfilled.

Don’t have time?
Start with five minutes, or one minute if five seems undoable.

Don’t have any idea what to do?
When I started doing this a few years ago, I actually googled “What is fun?” because I couldn’t remember. I was so disconnected from joy and fun that the only way I knew to start was with research. My list was blank for a while. Slowly it grew.

Don’t think it will work?
Try it every day for two weeks. Every day for two weeks, do something that genuinely feels joyful in that moment. I can tell you right now what will happen: you’ll feel more joy.

♥ Anna

Shadow Monsters

Posted on by Anna

Have you ever seen an apparition in the dark, something that looks exactly like a weird animal or ominous intruder? As soon as you turn on a light you realize the shadowy visage was created by a tree branch just outside your window, or maybe a hanging lamp in the hallway.

Our feelings are also shadows. Fear, anxiety, depression, sorrow, joy, gratitude, exuberance, yearning are all the shadows of our thoughts.

Emotions don’t happen to us. They are created by our thoughts, by our in-the-moment predictions.

Learning that emotions are the shadows of thought has changed my experience of life.

I lived with often debilitating depression and anxiety for over thirty years. I thought depression and anxiety were real, that they were actual entities living in my brain and mind. I spent so much time thinking about and talking about and worrying about shadow monsters. Knowing they are just shadows created by thoughts has changed everything.

Now, when I feel a wave of anxiety, I acknowledge the shadow monster in whatever form it appears. Then I turn on the lights.

Occasionally I’m able to pinpoint exactly what thoughts conjured up the monsters, though it turns out identifying them doesn’t matter. It’s enough to remember the anxiety is caused by random thoughts floating through my mind.

All it takes to turn on the lights is remembering the anxiety is caused by thought. Thoughts aren’t real, they float by just as quickly as they came, and there will always be new ones. I can choose which ones to follow.

The shadow monsters aren’t so scary anymore because I know they’re not real. Now I can appreciate their dark, momentary beauty.

No More Than a Feeling

Posted on by Anna

There is a game-changing, simple first principle of relationships. It’s the only thing we actually want, the only fundamental thing with which to concern ourselves: the feeling.

All we’re ever really looking for in our relationships is a good feeling.

If we want to improve a relationship, we need only improve the way it feels.

What matters to you in your relationships? What are the must-haves, the nice-to-haves, the deal breakers? Maybe you observe rules for relationships from a belief system like a religion. All of these things, ultimately, are meant to create and engender good feelings. Between the people in the relationship, between the people and their society, between the people and their deity.

Rules, expectations, desires, and needs are an endless cobweb of divergent confusion. What feels good for one person might be wildly different than what feels good for another person. What feels good for one person this morning might be wildly different from what feels good tomorrow.

It’s not about what feels good, it’s about the feeling itself.

If we want to improve or enhance a relationship, we need only improve the way it feels.

The Good News about Fear

Posted on by Anna

Most of us share the experience of some common fears: fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of loss of control.

We spend a lot of time and energy developing coping strategies, arranging circumstances, and influencing others so that we can deal with and avoid the things we fear.

Ironically, the things we fear don’t actually exist.

It’s not actually possible to lose control. Control isn’t something you or anyone else can actually have – it’s a thought, plus some meaning that goes along with the thought, and then a feeling. You have a feeling of losing control.

Losing control is a feeling that comes from a story that lives inside your head. Control lives in your thoughts, not out there in the world. You can’t actually lose control, but you can definitely feel like it.

This is really good news – especially for someone like me who does not like to feel out of control. Like, ever.

If control isn’t actually real, if it’s just a feeling that comes from a thought, then a new thought could bring a new feeling. A new thought could bring a feeling of greater control or it could bring a new experience of control altogether.

The good news about fear is that it’s not actually related to anything real. It’s like being scared of a shadow – once your eyes adjust to the dark, or someone turns the light on, you see there’s nothing there and the fear is gone. The good news about fear is that it’s not any more real than just a thought in your head, and where there’s one thought there are millions more. One fresh new thought could change everything.

Balderdash: Feelings Edition

Posted on by Anna

Can you guess which statement is false?

A
Our feelings are caused by what’s happening to us.

B
Our feelings are caused by what we think about what’s happening to us.

Many people believe their feelings are caused by what’s happening to them – that circumstances, events, and other people cause them to feel a certain way.

“No one listened to what I had to say at the meeting this morning. When my male coworker said the same thing, everyone thought it was a great idea. It made me so angry.”

“If only I had more money, I wouldn’t be so stressed out.”

“The political situation is so depressing. I’m so upset about what’s happening in this country.”

If our feelings are caused by what is happening to us, then what is happening to us would have to transmit those specific feelings in some way.

If not being acknowledged and seen causes anger, then everyone who is not acknowledged and seen would feel anger. But this is not the case.

If having a certain amount of money causes stress, then everyone who has that amount of money would feel stress. But this is not the case.

If the political situation causes depression, then everyone who knows about the political situation would feel depression. But this is not the case.

Our feelings are not caused by what is happening to us. Our feelings are caused by what we think about what is happening to us.